I don't think people were meant to be lonely...i mean, yeah, there are certain parts of the road that we have to walk all by ourselves, to understand who we are and what we're worth, to figure out what we want and whom we want to see around us, but other that that - the Creator has given us this enclosed need for someone else like us. If not - then we probably would feel perfectly good and complete all by our selves. but we are not, and while we don't necessarily always need the physical presence of someone - will still feel safe just knowing that there is someone thinking of us and caring about us and that this someone would be willing to be with us right now. In a way it's like an indicator that we're a good enough person, that we're worth someone's appreciation. That's why we all crave love in any shape, we hate the idea that we might be rejected - and that's the very thing that can hurt us the worst - rejection. We become content for a while after being hurt, content with the pain and we don't crave love anymore - pain takes all the space inside us and it seems as if we don't need anything else and never will. But that's not true, the pain was never meant to make us content, it burns out after a while and if there is no love to substitute it we're left empty inside....and then we start craving both love and pain, anything to fill the void inside, and oftentimes pain is easier to find than love. A moment very dangerous for choosing paths and making decisions, a crucial moment if we start to doubt in ourselves.

it's all about people......always about people

Life is not about places you go to, life is about people you meet, the people that really make a difference.... it's about the moments that stay forever in your heart, about the thoughts communicated and emotions shared. you don't leave your heart at a certain place, you leave it with certain people. the people that will keep a part of your heart safe and will give you a part of their's instead..... until you can trade back..... maybe never, but what does it matter if those are the right people to entrust your heart with?

"After all, the wrong road always leads somewhere." The question is, do I want to see where?...

I know this feeling - when it seems as if you've tried every route possible and all of them turned out to be wrong. So you're kind a just standing there in the middle wondering where to go now when there seems to be no right road. I've been there and i've tried just to stand still and to listen to my heart - so that I would finally understand who I am and what I want to be ....I was hoping it would help me to choose the right road, and until i understand what road to take i won't take any - I would just be standing there in order not to make any more mistakes...and I'm still wondering, and still listening, and still standing there....not making mistakes, not making any rapid moves - standing there, at the crossroads, listening to my heart, asking Heavens for help, trying to see the signs and to understand who I want to be... has been working so far... at least that's the least chance of making mistakes now when i don't know anything  for sure yet...

say good bye

I've been running for far too long and now it's time to stop I guess...I don't know what was it - whether I was trying to run away form something or to get somewhere so desperately. I think both. And now I have to stop. I've been running so fast that all I could see around me were blurry pictures, I was lost and it made me run even faster with no direction. Well, now I have nothing to run away from and nothing to be running to, because I can never run away from myself and the world inside of me,  have to learn to live in it. I was looking for someone to live in it with me but I know now that I shouldn't be afraid to live in it all by  myself. Looking back  I can say that if my life was supposed to be changed - God could've not picked better people for it. And now I think it's time to let go - forever or just for some time. This part of the road I have to walk all by myself. I'll try not to get lost, I'll be looking for signs, I'll be holding onto memories that will light me the way if I get lost and it gets too dark and scary. I'll be hoping for help. One part of the way is over, and another one is about to begin. I'm saying "Good bye" and hoping to cross paths again. I wish you to go down your own road and to find your own truth. I'll be praying that God helps you.

Well, here we are...there is nothing more to be decided I guess. There are steps that need to be taken and there is no more place for doubts. It's a little bit scary - like jumping in a cold water - but it's exciting at the same time. I hope I  haven't misread the signs, I pray that God would lead me, I hope that I'll have enough courage and belief to achieve this target. I'm willing to take the first step down this road...  

i want to play for keeps

world is so charming...it's complicated, yeah, but it's worth trying....i believe in happiness, i believe in truth, i believe in life, i believe in God... I believe in the path ahead of me, i know it will lead me somewhere, i just have to make the first step...it's a hard one but i can do it...yeah, the world is complicated but it's a unity...it's beautiful in it's complication, its complete...and I'm a part of it, I'm a part of this universe and it means i have a purpose to be here...i want to complete it. And for that i have to step on the path. Still, we are not alone in this world. God sends people into our lives that keep us on the path sometimes without even realizing it...sometimes against our and their will... But it all leads somewhere...And I know I've gone too far to stop here...